So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
