Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
