I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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