let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
