the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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