I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
