I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
