3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
