Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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