Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
