I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
