so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
