Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
