I feel great
I just peed on a car
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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