I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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