oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
