But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
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New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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