What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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