i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize
