My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
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Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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