I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
