i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
