why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
