If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
