when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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