After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize