there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
