got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
