If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
