In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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