I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
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It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
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Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize