I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
