No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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