shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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