you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize