I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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