True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
