If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
