Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
