Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
