Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
