puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
