can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
