I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
