The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she looked like the before picture.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
