Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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