so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
