I accidentally had phone sex last night
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
