I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
