Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
