some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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