Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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