somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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