Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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