Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
