is your mom at the bar?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
