Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
