My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
