Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
