I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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