I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
