capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
