Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
