I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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