between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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