you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Randomize
