Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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