Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
