best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
