I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
